one three two

I'm back after days (23 to be exact).Just needed to let myself out.And when you trust no one else,there's always your diary right?It isn't really about trust but yah.Not wanting to bother others.They won't even understand you fully!That we all are aware of.

Oh well,I feel lost all so suddenly.No,it isn't my course which I'm gonna complain about.I'm settling in fine,even enjoying myself.Yesterday was the official last school day of Sem 1 (for my class).I'm left with the exams now.So,yah its my class and team.And almost everything else,including myself.

I know that I'm not perfect (no one is) but I hate that I'm so vulnerable.Getting affected so easily by every little thing!I tell myself repeatedly not to but that's never works.I guess I seriously lost of big part of me somewhere along the way.I hope I'll get back to who I was originally soon.Impossible you would say but there's no harm in hoping yeah?

Now about the two broad ones I mentioned earlier,it sucks to be separated.Really.I'm there together with them physically,but the connection just isn't strong.I know I'm not helping the situation by keeping to myself most of the time.But that's the way I am now.And I also dunno why too.Its just hard balancing.I wanna be with both but have to choose one in the end.Totally impactful sacrifices.

I miss my Dad,Abi,Mel,Jodie,Shu Hui,my volleyball team,the ones I grew up with,how life was so carefree,no awkwardness between us...the list goes on.

Bottom line:I'm scared that I'll give up.